They Call Me . . . "Leader Guy"

One of the projects I've been working on for months is a grave cleaning activity at the Catholic Cemetery in Natchitoches. I'm using it to get material for one of the components of my project thesis. I had a small but energetic turnout of people, and we got a good bit of work done in the process. I was pleasantly surprised.

One of the participants was a writer for the Current Sauce, NSU's student newspaper. A few days after the event, I saw an editorial mentioning the work we had done. Do I, your humble writer, get mentioned in the article? Let's see:

So I would go through the cleaning process a couple of times and would see some improvement, but it didn't really look clean.

At that point the leader guy would come up and simply say, "Come back in a week. Come back in a month. Just wait."

So apparently I am no longer Scotty Williams, but "the leader guy." I guess I could do worse.

It reminded me of the Simpsons episode--"The Joy of Sect"--where Homer joins the Movementarians. Homer is impervious to their conversion efforts, eating dozens of bowls of gruel and singing the "nananananananana BATMAN!" theme song. The Movementarians counter by singing the same tune with "Leader" in place of Batman. I need to come up with a Leader Guy song that will convert people to my cause.

In other news, this was a weird college football weekend in terms of uniforms. Several teams wore custom jerseys in support of the Wounded Warrior Project. Some of the jerseys will be auctioned off. TCU's colors are purple and white, so why were they wearing red stripes on their helmets? Because the Horned Frog squirts blood from its eyes when threatened.

In the Florida/South Carolina game, Gamecock players replaced names on the back of their jerseys with warrior code values: Duty, Honor, Courage, Commitment, Integrity, Country and Service. This led to an interesting call by the CBS announcers doing the game (I paraphrase):

"So there are offsetting personal fouls on the play. In case you're wondering about the names, INTEGRITY just threw a punch at a Florida player."

Saints and Saints

New Orleans Saints

I've been trying to figure out which Twilight Zone episode most resembles the New Orleans Saints season so far. It's got to be one of the ones where the protagonist goes to sleep or blacks out, then wakes up in a world that doesn't make any sense. The guys in the fleur de lis helmets aren't doing the things Saints fans are used to. I've never seen such a bewildered look as I saw on the face of someone who has cheered for the Saints their entire existence, and now can't fit that in with what she knows as reality: that the Saints never, ever play this well. The big stat of the moment: through five games, the Saints have not trailed. At all. Even for one second. It helps that they've had the ball first in all five games and scored on all five first possessions (4 TD, 1 FG).

Best stat against the Giants: seven touchdowns scored by seven different players.

No game has been closer than 14 points at the end. Margins of victory: 18, 26, 20, 14, 21. They've won three games cranking out points faster than their opponents could keep up, scoring 45, 48, and 48 against Detroit, Philly, and New York (Giants edition). They've won the other two with aggressive defense that never allowed the other team to get going, allowing 7 and 10 points to Buffalo and New York (Jets edition). I'd like to see them do better running the ball on short yardage plays, but that's really the only thing I can pick at right now.

I've heard some people say that they want to see how the Saints offense does in "weather", which usually means cold/rain/snow/wind. That's a valid point, since they could be playing on the road in the playoffs in New York, Philadelphia, Chicago, or some place like that. In the regular season, it's not a factor. The northernmost road game left on the schedule is at Washington on December 6. It'll be cold, but it won't exactly be Minnesota-ish that early in the winter. At Carolina in January could be snowy, but Carolina stinks (STINKS). Of the Saints eleven remaining games, seven are in domes and two are in Florida. I just don't think weather is a major factor for them right now.

After reflecting on it, let's go with the only Twilight Zone episode set in New Orleans, "The Masks" from 1964. A crotchety old man about to die makes his wretched family members wear masks that reveal their true personalities. As the season goes on, we'll see if the Saints wearing the mask of a contender, or if they really are one.

Scene from "The Masks"

The "Other" Saints

Businesses that sponsor the Saints are known as "Patron Saints", which is clever. However, I wonder if those businesses know how a lot of actual patron saints obtained their patronage. The Church has a morbid streak when it comes to making such decisions.

Looking for the patron saint of butchers? One of the eight is Adrian of Nicomedia. Adrian was hacked to pieces in 304. (I was sort of hoping he'd be named Lazar Wolf)

Feeling culinary tonight? Lawrence of Rome is the man when it comes to cooks. Of course, he was cooked to death on a gridiron in 258.

Got a headache? Pray to Saint Denis, if you can ignore the fact that he was beheaded by the Romans. Statues of him often show him holding his head in his hands. The founder of Natchitoches was named Louis Juchereau de St. Denis, so St Denis is one of my favorites.

The patron of stonemasons is Saint Reinhold, who--you guessed it--was beaten to death with hammers by stonemasons.

If you ask me, the king of all these gruesomely murdered patrons is Saint Sebastian. First, he survived being shot full of arrows by the Romans. Later on, they stopped fooling around and just beat him to death. In the Dark Ages, plague victims likened the random nature of infection to being shot by nature's archers, so they prayed to Sebastian. So now Sebastian--usually depicted tied to a tree with arrows sticking out of him--is the patron saint of archers, arrowsmiths, fletchers, and plague victims (and hardware stores, for some reason).


If possible, I'd like to be the patron saint of either dying peacefully in bed, or performing heroic deeds while saving the life of a complete stranger. I'm good with either one.

I Know, You Know I Know, But I Know You Know I Know

They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Last night LSU and Auburn renewed their SEC West rivalry with an exciting and much-too-tense-for-me football game. All LSU-Auburn games for the last decade or so have been nail-biters than leave the caring viewer exhausted and trembling when it was all over. The game even has its own Wikipedia entry (arbiter of all that is true and right). The home team had won eight in a row, and the four most recent games had been decided by a total of 14 points. LSU fans hate this game, mostly because there have been times when LSU was ranked higher and favored to win, only to come up on the short end.

LSU won 26-21 in another great game with a late drive that featured aggressive playcalling and good execution. There's a couple of scoring plays for each team I want to talk about that concern Auburn's defense being so familiar with LSU's offense. (You can see an LSU-based recap of the game here)

The first was an awful play by Jarrett Lee late in the first half. He double- and triple-clutches on a flare pass out left to Keiland Williams, an Auburn DE makes a nice play to intercept it, and he brings it back for a touchdown. Last year, Keiland Williams burned Auburn bad on this same play, which can be seen here. So when Auburn sees Lee in the shotgun with Williams to his left, they're ready. Even before the hesitation by Lee, about five Auburn guys are headed over to cover Williams. The pass never should have been thrown, but it was still a nice play by the defender to gather in the pass and head in for the score. It was a case of Auburn knowing what LSU knew.

Later on in the game, LSU knows that Auburn knows what they know. LSU seems to run a particular play with Keiland Williams about once a game. The formation includes a fullback in front of Williams. Hike, and the QB fakes a dive handoff to the fullback, then pitches it out the other way to Williams. The first time I remember seeing this play was from San Diego with LaDanian Tomlinson a few years ago. Some teams use it regularly. LSU seems to use it more often than most, and Keiland Williams gets it more than anyone else. Auburn knows this well.

So when LSU is down on Auburn's 22 yard line and Williams is lined up behind a fullback, Auburn is ready again. Fake dive handoff, pitch outside to Williams. But instead of running with it, Williams gathers it in and throws a halfback pass to a moderately-open Demetrius Byrd, who had gotten behind two defenders. LSU was able to use Auburn's knowledge of the play against them, showing them something they'd seen, then showing them something else. Nicely done.

Women's Soccer

I was a season ticket holder for all the seasons that the Washington Freedom were in the WUSA before the league folded days before the 2003 Women's World Cup. After the first year the team drafted Abby Wambach out of Florida. Lost in the finals the second year, won the title the third year. The league will be replaced by Women's Professional Soccer (WPS) in 2009. Player allocation of National Team members was a few days ago, and Wambach is back with the Freedom, which makes me happy.

The Freedom are the first and only team I've ever had season tickets to, so I feel like the connection I have to them is different than any of the other teams I root for. Definitely not stronger, but different in a way I kind of like. I think I'm going to get season tickets again, even if I can't go to any games. I'll try to find a way to make one or two, though how I'm going to get to the Germantown Soccer-plex is beyond me. RKF it ain't. I'll probably send someone the tickets to had out as they wish for the games I don't get to.

Interesting note: The NBA logo features a silhouette of Jerry West. The new WPS logo will feature a silhouette of Mia Hamm. That's a nice touch.

By the way, the Chicago team is called the Red Stars. Doesn't that sound like it should be an old Soviet team?

At another level of women's soccer, I've had the chance to attend a few Lady Demon soccer games recently. They're held at the Demon Soccer Complex, which may have been in its infancy when I was a student. It's turned out to be really nice, and is much nicer than any place I ever played. I'm very pleasantly surprised at the crowds that turn out for the games. I told my dad that if you added up all the people who ever watched my league teams play, they wouldn't equal the crowd there. Where did all these people come from? I used to feel like I knew pretty much everybody in town who was interested in soccer. Verily, things have changed.

Come on, ship...Come on, ship...Come on, ship...Come on in.

The biggest news story in this part of the state the last few months has centered around a geologic formation known as the Haynesville Shale. It's really far underground and contains natural gas. Lots of it. Maybe enough to be the fourth-largest deposit in the world. It was long considered too hard to access, but a new drilling technique has opened things up. So if you own a few acres in the right place, you could be looking at a nice chunk of change. If you own more than a few, you could probably retire. Consider (with the warning that I may have no idea what I'm talking about):

Say you own a section of land, 640 acres. You get paid a fee per acre just for the company to drill. I've heard of fees ranging from eight thousand to twenty-five thousand dollars (not too many people own a whole section, I think).

The price of natural gas is based on per thousand cubic feet produced in a section. Recently the price has been about $7 per thousand cubic feet. Some of these wells can produce more than ten million cubic feet per day.

You get a percentage royalty of the overall production, around 16-25% (one-sixth to one-fourth royalty).

Let's do some math with relatively conservative numbers. The exception is owning a whole section. I don't know an example of anyone who does, though I'm sure they're out there.

640 acres with a $8,000 per acre leasing fee: $5,120,000
7 million cubic feet per day at $7 per thousand cubic feet: $49,000 per day
$49,000 per day times 30 days: $1,470,000 per month
$1,470,000 times 12 months: $17,640,000 per year
$17,640,000 with a 1/6 royalty: $2,940,000 per year

The leasing fee is yours, independent of any royalty. You still have to pay taxes on all this, somewhere in the neighborhood of 42%. Whatever the details, good luck to all the landowners who are in line to take home a nice piece of cash. Some of these people have only ever owned land and not had any money to go along with it. Those are the ones I feel pretty good for.

Talking Football

Today is Super Bowl Sunday, so let's talk football: LSU football. LSU has more players in the game than any other team, so I can get away with it. Corey Webster has been playing the best football of his life for the Giants the past few weeks. The Patriots have Kevin Faulk (who's gotten a lot of praise lately), Randall Gay, Eric Alexander, and Jarvis Green. They also wear a 91 sticker on their helmets to honor Marquise Hill, who died in an accident during the offseason.

LSU was able to play in the BCS national title game in spite of losing twice during the season, including losing the last game of the regular season to Arkansas. They came back and won the SEC Championship Game (SECCG to you message boarders) with a backup quarterback, and a few other things bounced their way as well. And so it happened that Ohio State would take on the SEC champion in the national title game for the second year in a row.

Based on how things had gone for them a year earlier, (and an 0-8 record against the SEC in bowl games) a lot of people predicted that OSU would get hammered. I felt that they were being undervalued. They were a good team with a great coach, and I thought the talk about LSU's speed advantage was nonsense. OSU had a good offensive line, a great running back, and a good defense. I wasn't prepared to say they deserved the #1 ranking that the statistics awarded them, but they were good.

So as you know, LSU won 38-24. Ohio State got off to a 10-0 lead one a great run by Beanie Wells and a figgie. At the time, I thought LSU holding them to a field goal on the second possession was big. A false start penatly helped. And 10-0 wasn't a big deal considering that LSU had faced ten-point deficits before. "Got 'em right where we want 'em," I thought. I didn't really mean it, but I thought it.

After that, LSU ran off 31 straight points. Gary Crowton had put together a great game plan, got the defense spread out, and Matt Flynn picked it apart. When a yard or two was needed, Jacob Hester got two or three. The receivers held onto the ball, and the offensive line gave Flynn and the running backs plenty of time and room to work with. I don't think LSU's speed on offense was what led to their success, but rather the combination of the plan, execution, and winning up front. Which brings me to the defense:

After the first two OSU drives, LSU controlled the line of scrimmage on defense. I'd watched the OSU-Illinois game and wasn't terribly impressed with Todd Boeckman, though it's not really fair to judge a guy on his worst game of the season. Illinois got some pressure on him early, and as the game wore on he got antsy. He eventually felt pressure that wasn't really there. The same thing happened against LSU. It didn't help that his wideouts had a hard time getting open, which gave the rush more time to get in his face. Aside from letting Brandon Saine get wide open a couple of times, the pass defense was fantastic, knocking down passes, getting two INTs, and tackling pretty well.

More about controlling the line: there's a general point of view that says SEC teams are faster, and Big Ten teams are more physical. LSU was the more physical team up front, and the advantage only grew as the game went on. On defense, Glenn Dorsey was healthy and looked more like the All-American people thought he was. Ricky Jean-Francois was getting back into the swing of things after missing the entire regular season (he played in the SECCG) and came up with a blocked figgie. Tyson Jackson played very well, shutting me up. I'd criticized him a good deal during the season for not pressuring the quarterback as much as I expected. He did get better at the end of the season, and when he had a one-on-one matchup, he did well.

LSU doesn't do a lot of fancy stuff with the running game, so it's mostly pulling, trapping, and straight-ahead mashing. Vernon Gholston was an All-American at defensive end, but outside of a couple of plays where he got pressure on Flynn, I didn't see much from him. Considering that LSU had a converted defensive tackle playing right offensive tackle, that's not that much. So yes, LSU has a lot of speed, but it was the line giving the speed and athleticism of the skill players the opportunity to get to work that made the difference.

(This was actually the best argument to be made for OSU winning the game, and it was made by Todd Blackledge: LSU was a better matchup for OSU than some other teams. LSU's offense really isn't a speed offense like Florida's last year. It's more of a power offense)

LSU's game plan reflected that. There was one deep pass the whole game. Most of passes were short, relying on timing, execution, protection, guys getting open, Flynn being accurate with the ball, and guys holding on to the ball. It wasn't a "let's run away from them" style of offense. It worked. Flynn threw four TD passes.

Special mention goes out to Harry Coleman, who filled in for Craig Steltz at safety. Coleman blitzed and hammered Boeckman on a play that ended in an INT. He also recovered two fumbles, one of LSU's and one of theirs. OSU was unable to take advantage of Steltz's absence, partly because everyone else was playing so well, but also because Coleman had such a solid game.

So congratulations to the players and coaches from LSU. Glenn Dorsey has been a great player for four years, and he has always expressed his joy at playing for LSU. I'm glad he came back. A couple of guys who have waited a while to earn a starting job, Flynn and Steltz, got to walk away with rings. Be Pelini got a nice sendoff before becoming the head coach at Nebraska, where I hope he does well. Ali Highsmith has been LSU's best all-around linebacker for the last three years, and he had a great game. And of course, Les Miles has only gone 35-6 in his three years as head coach at LSU. LSU doesn't always play great, (though most of the time they do) but they always play their guts out for him. Most times, that's been enough.