I hate confession.
Confession stinks. Confession is awful. Confession hurts. It's like having your guts ripped out. It's like having your brain squeezed out through your eyeballs. Emotional surgery with no anesthetic. It's just so hard. "Forgive me, please." It's not just "I'm sorry." It's "I'm sorry for this, and for that, and for this, and for that..."
Hell is a fiery inferno of eternal torture. Hell is other people. Or Hell is the state of existence that involves the total absence of God's presence. The last is the one that the Church has gravitated to recently. Reconciliation is what eliminates this distance, both in this life and the next.
There was a Reconciliation Mass tonight in Clarendon. I was caught a little off guard. I thought the service itself was what granted reconciliation. But apparently, the service is just an excuse to get everybody together so they can all go to confession. See my first line again, please.
I look around, and there are screens set up with priests' names and the language they can listen to confession in. But the screens are out in the open, with no walls to separate the confessor and the priest from everyone else. And people are lining up for these things! They are insane. The priest I'm going to is behind enclosed wood and glass, I don't care how long the line is.
It's interesting to watch the reactions of people as they come away having finished their confessions. Some are in there briefly, and come out looking happy and satisfied, like it's no big deal. These people are clearly deranged. Some come out wiping their eyes. Others come out looking like they've really been put through the ringer, exhausted and weak. From one woman's body language, you would have thought that she and the priest were discussing welfare reform or flat tax vs. progressive tax. Sniffling coming from behind one of the screens. I wonder what the priest thinks when someone carries tissues with them to confession.
At Mass last week, the priest encouraged everyone to go to the Reconciliation Mass, and that we should not be ashamed to confess our transgressions. I have previously heard one say that people think they are going to shock the priest with what they say, that he will be horrified and disown them when he hears what they have to confess. But priests have heard it all before, he said. However, my point would be "Yes, but he hasn't heard it from me. It's fine if other people can confess this stuff, but that doesn't make it any easier for yours truly."
Let us consider this passage from a pamphlet they have that describes step-by-step the process of confession:
"The penitent speaks to the priest in a normal, conversational fashion. The penitent tells when he or she last celebrated the sacrament and then confesses his or her sins."
That easy, right? They make it sound so nice and calm. A "normal, conversational fashion", as if you're talking about the ride to work on the metro this morning. Tell me what's normal and conversational about spilling your guts to a man of the cloth. I understand that they want to help people get rid of their anxiety (like yours truly), but this seems a bit unrealistic.
Without going into too much detail, let me just say that after a little bit, the guy was able to read me like a book. My problems seemed not so insurmountable. You know why? Because he's probably heard it all before. I am unique as God made me, but my situation has been played and replayed in the world over and over again. This is a common mistake we make when bemoaning our tragedies, that I am the only one who's ever gone through this, and no one can understand my pain. But like I said, he had me pegged dead-on, telling me the things I knew but needed to hear from someone else. For the priest and God, there is nothing new under the sun.
And now, according to the Church, all my sins are gone. Yoink! Never happened. It's like jerking the tablecloth away and leaving the feast on the table. Only lots better.
I love confession.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Saturday, December 17, 2005
The Guitar-Playing Gorilla Catcher
In a radio review of the newest iteration of King Kong, someone (I believe Stephen Hunter) mentioned that Jack Black is very good as long as you use him the right way. Looking at his bio, he's been in a lot more stuff than I thought, including Demolition Man, Waterworld, The Cable Guy, Mars Attacks!, and Enemy of the State. The first time I really remember him was Shallow Hal. But today I went to see King Kong and watched School of Rock on DVD, which had previously been recommended by my good friend Kerrie, wonderfulness personified. I don't know if this makes much sense, but he uses his face very well when he's on.
This is the third version of King Kong, with the previous two coming in 1933 and 1976. I would also give an honorable mention to Kingu Kongu tai Gojira, aka "King Kong vs. Godzilla" in 1962, which I like. I may or may not have seen the original, but the only stuff I really remember is the stock footage stuff everybody else has seen, mostly Fay Wray screaming in distress.
Peter Jackson (apparently about 75 pounds lighter than the last time I saw him) takes full advantage of all the CGI at his disposal, making enemies of all shapes and sizes for Kong and our heroes to fight. Every creepy, crawly, monstrous insect and reptile you can imagine (and some you can't) makes an appearance. Kong is of course extremely athletic, but in his fighting and maneuvering abilities you also see cunning, understanding, anticipation, and just a good overall sense of where he is and what he's doing. It works very well, I think, and is more impressive when you consider that he often does it while holding Naomi Watts in one hand.
You could also tell that they spent some time studying and thinking about gorilla behavior. How does he sit? How does he run? How does his face work? When he's holding something, what does he do with it? There's a scene where he rapidly jerks Ann Darrow back and forth, like he's shaking a soda can up so he can spray somebody. That seems like the sort of thing that comes from reading up on your subject (I'll be sure to ask Jane Goodall next time I see her).
Naomi Watts, I would like to point out, looks like TWGW. That was a major plus for the movie, in my opinion. If she liked me as much as Ann Darrow liked Kong, I'd take on large carnivorous dinosaurs, too. By the way, the big two-legged predators with lots of teeth are not Tyrannosaurus Rex. It has three fingers at the end of its arms, and the real t-rex has two. But I get the feeling that the dinos are just generic dino monsters, though, so that's no biggie. It could be that Jackson wanted to keep things as similar to the original as possible.
The movie turns on Darrow's relationship with Kong, and there are some funny and even tender moments as things go along. Not that easy to pull off when you're working with an actress, a green screen and silicon chips. Well done. Jack Black is good, Adrien Brody is okay. The rest played their roles well. Pretty good movie, I think.
As for SOR, pretty darn funny. I heard some people saying it was the funniest thing ever, but I wouldn't go quite that far. Black is the focus of the whole shebang, and you can tell he loves it. He comes close to getting repetitive with his schtick at times, but I don't think he actually crosses the line. I like all the kids, and that never happens. I thought the casting for the kids' parts is very good, and the main ones' characters are pretty well fleshed-out, instead of being stereotyped nerd/pretty girl/loser/fat kid/preppy/etc.
I'm probably missing out on the whole compendium of rock history and its influence on the film. Oh well.
This is the third version of King Kong, with the previous two coming in 1933 and 1976. I would also give an honorable mention to Kingu Kongu tai Gojira, aka "King Kong vs. Godzilla" in 1962, which I like. I may or may not have seen the original, but the only stuff I really remember is the stock footage stuff everybody else has seen, mostly Fay Wray screaming in distress.
Peter Jackson (apparently about 75 pounds lighter than the last time I saw him) takes full advantage of all the CGI at his disposal, making enemies of all shapes and sizes for Kong and our heroes to fight. Every creepy, crawly, monstrous insect and reptile you can imagine (and some you can't) makes an appearance. Kong is of course extremely athletic, but in his fighting and maneuvering abilities you also see cunning, understanding, anticipation, and just a good overall sense of where he is and what he's doing. It works very well, I think, and is more impressive when you consider that he often does it while holding Naomi Watts in one hand.
You could also tell that they spent some time studying and thinking about gorilla behavior. How does he sit? How does he run? How does his face work? When he's holding something, what does he do with it? There's a scene where he rapidly jerks Ann Darrow back and forth, like he's shaking a soda can up so he can spray somebody. That seems like the sort of thing that comes from reading up on your subject (I'll be sure to ask Jane Goodall next time I see her).
Naomi Watts, I would like to point out, looks like TWGW. That was a major plus for the movie, in my opinion. If she liked me as much as Ann Darrow liked Kong, I'd take on large carnivorous dinosaurs, too. By the way, the big two-legged predators with lots of teeth are not Tyrannosaurus Rex. It has three fingers at the end of its arms, and the real t-rex has two. But I get the feeling that the dinos are just generic dino monsters, though, so that's no biggie. It could be that Jackson wanted to keep things as similar to the original as possible.
The movie turns on Darrow's relationship with Kong, and there are some funny and even tender moments as things go along. Not that easy to pull off when you're working with an actress, a green screen and silicon chips. Well done. Jack Black is good, Adrien Brody is okay. The rest played their roles well. Pretty good movie, I think.
As for SOR, pretty darn funny. I heard some people saying it was the funniest thing ever, but I wouldn't go quite that far. Black is the focus of the whole shebang, and you can tell he loves it. He comes close to getting repetitive with his schtick at times, but I don't think he actually crosses the line. I like all the kids, and that never happens. I thought the casting for the kids' parts is very good, and the main ones' characters are pretty well fleshed-out, instead of being stereotyped nerd/pretty girl/loser/fat kid/preppy/etc.
I'm probably missing out on the whole compendium of rock history and its influence on the film. Oh well.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
TMQ
I have mentioned before that the best online football column is written by Gregg Easterbrook, who writes the TMQ column on nfl.com. His latest can be found here. Smart. Funny. Half of which is about things other than football. I think he's a bit over-enamored with Levi Jones, who he has ranked above Ed Reed (Defensive POY last year), John Henderson (one of the best DTs, a position harder to fill than OT), and Javon Walker, a pro-bowl caliber WR.
But he's very, very good, and I recommend him to all. It will definitely cut down on your work productivity on Tuesdays.
The best online baseball column, by the way, is Jayson Stark's Useless Info column on espn.com.
But he's very, very good, and I recommend him to all. It will definitely cut down on your work productivity on Tuesdays.
The best online baseball column, by the way, is Jayson Stark's Useless Info column on espn.com.
Geaux Tigers!
The Mighty Lady Tigers of LSU just got through dismantling #4 Ohio State. Seimone Augustus is probably the best player in the country, and she played her usual silky-smooth game. Sylvia Fowles totally dominated inside with her scoring, rebounding, shot-blocking, and overall presence. Active on defense, they took OSU out of their game early, built a big lead on the road, and took it home from there. Tennessee and Duke are ranked ahead of LSU, but if the Lady Tigers play like this the whole season, that's not going to matter. They are very, very good, boys and girls.
Hair
It's always a nice feeling to be watching a movie from a while ago, see a somewhat familiar face, and think, "Hey, isn't that...?" It's especially nice when it's their first movie.
Got this twice in Hair. The scrawny, skinny, pasty-white character of Sheldon is played by Michael Jeter, who I remember from Evening Shade and The Green Mile. And one of the three girls singing the White Boys song is Nell Carter, two years (and maybe 100 pounds) before Gimme A Break. Speaking of which...
...that song is hilarious. A split scene between the park and the recruiting office, with girls alternating lines with army officers. Whites (male and female) sing about black boys, and blacks (male and female), sing about white boys.
Black boys are delicious
Chocolate flavored love
Licorice lips like candy
I keep my cocoa handy
I have such a sweet tooth
When it comes to love
-----------------------
White boys are so pretty
Skin as smooth as milk
White boys are so pretty
They're like Chinese silk
-------------------------
It's an enjoyable movie, I think, with choreography by Twyla Tharp, who's rather well-known in the field, to say the least. I would guess that certain dance routines needed serious dancers with a lot of training, but much of it seemed very easy and fun ("easy" in attitude, not execution). Treat Williams and Beverly D'Angelo are the most recognizable faces. My parents saw the stage production many moons ago, complete with all the naked people on stage.
It's a bit shameful to say, but the song I was most looking forward to is the one with all the racial slurs, most of which I'd heard before. The newest one was "cotton pickin' swamp guinea". I know where the cotton and guinea parts come from, but I don't know what the swamp has to do with anything. Sung by Hud, whose real name turns out to be Lafayette.
Got this twice in Hair. The scrawny, skinny, pasty-white character of Sheldon is played by Michael Jeter, who I remember from Evening Shade and The Green Mile. And one of the three girls singing the White Boys song is Nell Carter, two years (and maybe 100 pounds) before Gimme A Break. Speaking of which...
...that song is hilarious. A split scene between the park and the recruiting office, with girls alternating lines with army officers. Whites (male and female) sing about black boys, and blacks (male and female), sing about white boys.
Black boys are delicious
Chocolate flavored love
Licorice lips like candy
I keep my cocoa handy
I have such a sweet tooth
When it comes to love
-----------------------
White boys are so pretty
Skin as smooth as milk
White boys are so pretty
They're like Chinese silk
-------------------------
It's an enjoyable movie, I think, with choreography by Twyla Tharp, who's rather well-known in the field, to say the least. I would guess that certain dance routines needed serious dancers with a lot of training, but much of it seemed very easy and fun ("easy" in attitude, not execution). Treat Williams and Beverly D'Angelo are the most recognizable faces. My parents saw the stage production many moons ago, complete with all the naked people on stage.
It's a bit shameful to say, but the song I was most looking forward to is the one with all the racial slurs, most of which I'd heard before. The newest one was "cotton pickin' swamp guinea". I know where the cotton and guinea parts come from, but I don't know what the swamp has to do with anything. Sung by Hud, whose real name turns out to be Lafayette.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Big Red and the Innocent Lamb
You know what I really, really like about this blog stuff? I can put up whatever irrelevant, obscure story or commentary I want. So I'd like to bring your attention to the fact that the Nebraska women's volleyball team is in the hunt for their third national title. They will play Santa Clara in the national semis on Thursday. Their quarterfinal victory was particularly sweet for yours truly, as they beat the effing Gators 3-0, bringing back fond memories of the 1996 Fiesta Bowl, in which one of the great teams ever to set foot on a football field beat the effing Gators 62-24.
"Husker Nation came out in full force, topping Friday night’s attendance record as Saturday’s attendance was the first volleyball match in NCAA history to have more than 15,000 fans in attendance. The 29,608 all-session attendance was also an NCAA record." Who woulda thunk that women's volleyball would be such a popular draw in Lincoln? Note the absence of the word "women's" before "volleyball" in that NCAA history factoid.
And of course, I would be remiss if I did not draw your attention to freshman Rachel Schwartz, who plays libero for the Huskers. Attendance ain't going down in the near future. The name Rachel means "Innocent Lamb" in Hebrew.
"Husker Nation came out in full force, topping Friday night’s attendance record as Saturday’s attendance was the first volleyball match in NCAA history to have more than 15,000 fans in attendance. The 29,608 all-session attendance was also an NCAA record." Who woulda thunk that women's volleyball would be such a popular draw in Lincoln? Note the absence of the word "women's" before "volleyball" in that NCAA history factoid.
And of course, I would be remiss if I did not draw your attention to freshman Rachel Schwartz, who plays libero for the Huskers. Attendance ain't going down in the near future. The name Rachel means "Innocent Lamb" in Hebrew.
The Wild Bunch
#80 on the AFI list of the best movies, made in 1969. Starring William Holden, one of my favorite actors. I think it's really, really interesting as maybe a transitional film, both in the movie business and in the career of Holden.
I'm not totally familiar with the evolution of the Western in American cinema, so I could be wrong about all this. I was a little surprised at the cursing in the movie. There was more than I expected, definitely more than I associate with "60's Western", but nowhere near what you get in a serious Western today. There was lots of blood, not just a guy getting shot and falling over. Lots of whores being visited whenever the shooting or chasing wasn't interfering. Some female nudity, which caught me off guard more than the cursing. The overall rough attitude of the movie really drives it forward for me. It seems like a bridge between the less graphic films before it and the ultra-graphic stuff of today.
The characters themselves are in transition as well. Outlaw gang pulling one last job before retiring to take it easy, life not going the way it used to. Particularly true for William Holden's character, the leader of the gang. Slowing down, tired of being chased, he just wants to do things right one more time and quit the business.
And speaking of Holden, he was 51 when the movie came out. A far cry from Joe Gillis in Sunset Boulevard and Sefton in Stalag 17, and The Bridge on the River Kwai, which were all made in the 50's. So he's a bit older as man and actor, but not as old and grizzled as he would be in Network in 1976. So you've got tradition and change out the wazoo, in the movies, within the movie, and in the acting. I'm guessing this was one of the things that got it ranked in the top 100.
I'm not totally familiar with the evolution of the Western in American cinema, so I could be wrong about all this. I was a little surprised at the cursing in the movie. There was more than I expected, definitely more than I associate with "60's Western", but nowhere near what you get in a serious Western today. There was lots of blood, not just a guy getting shot and falling over. Lots of whores being visited whenever the shooting or chasing wasn't interfering. Some female nudity, which caught me off guard more than the cursing. The overall rough attitude of the movie really drives it forward for me. It seems like a bridge between the less graphic films before it and the ultra-graphic stuff of today.
The characters themselves are in transition as well. Outlaw gang pulling one last job before retiring to take it easy, life not going the way it used to. Particularly true for William Holden's character, the leader of the gang. Slowing down, tired of being chased, he just wants to do things right one more time and quit the business.
And speaking of Holden, he was 51 when the movie came out. A far cry from Joe Gillis in Sunset Boulevard and Sefton in Stalag 17, and The Bridge on the River Kwai, which were all made in the 50's. So he's a bit older as man and actor, but not as old and grizzled as he would be in Network in 1976. So you've got tradition and change out the wazoo, in the movies, within the movie, and in the acting. I'm guessing this was one of the things that got it ranked in the top 100.
Fancy bowling...
...is now available in Washington, DC. Many, many thanks for recommending the story to my good friend Kerrie, one of my favorite people on the planet (we're talking top ten here, folks). Wonderfulness personified.
I like bowling, so it's too bad I stink. You can really have a good time around Chinatown these days. MCI Center, restaurants, bowling, movie theater, and more than a few bars.
I like bowling, so it's too bad I stink. You can really have a good time around Chinatown these days. MCI Center, restaurants, bowling, movie theater, and more than a few bars.
Apparently, I'm Black..
...which will come as quite a surprise to my parents, who are Chinese.
Here are my apparent qualifications:
I saw The Last Dragon in the theater, can name characters such as Bruce Leroy and the Shogun of Harlem, and can quote a line or two. My sister and I were the only white people in the whole place. The one bestowing Blackness upon me (or at least speculating that I was black in a previous life) was quite surprised.
I don't freak out around black people. Hey, my hometown is more than half black, so it's not like I'd never seen one before.
I prefer UNC over Duke. I do like UNC--particularly when Dean Smith was the coach--but not as much as I detest Duke. I don't detest them because they are UNC's rivals, but because they beat UNLV in the 1991 Final Four, which brings me to my next qualification:
1991 UNLV was my favorite college basketball team of all time. Larry Johnson, Stacey Augmon, Greg Anthony, Anderson Hunt, and George Ackles. They murdered everyone they played and won me a $10 bet with a classmate when they trounced Arkansas in Fayetteville (alas, the loser never payed). They were 30-0, beating teams by about 27 a game and scoring almost 100 per. They'd beaten Duke by 30 in the finals the year before. Duke beat them in the national semis in '91 79-77, earning my eternal ire. Apparently, the brothers really loved '91 Vegas, too.
I mentioned Oprah After the Show one day. Hey, everybody loves Oprah.
These are all the "qualifications" I can think of that have been discussed. As a wise man once said, "We're all black when the lights go out."
Here are my apparent qualifications:
I saw The Last Dragon in the theater, can name characters such as Bruce Leroy and the Shogun of Harlem, and can quote a line or two. My sister and I were the only white people in the whole place. The one bestowing Blackness upon me (or at least speculating that I was black in a previous life) was quite surprised.
I don't freak out around black people. Hey, my hometown is more than half black, so it's not like I'd never seen one before.
I prefer UNC over Duke. I do like UNC--particularly when Dean Smith was the coach--but not as much as I detest Duke. I don't detest them because they are UNC's rivals, but because they beat UNLV in the 1991 Final Four, which brings me to my next qualification:
1991 UNLV was my favorite college basketball team of all time. Larry Johnson, Stacey Augmon, Greg Anthony, Anderson Hunt, and George Ackles. They murdered everyone they played and won me a $10 bet with a classmate when they trounced Arkansas in Fayetteville (alas, the loser never payed). They were 30-0, beating teams by about 27 a game and scoring almost 100 per. They'd beaten Duke by 30 in the finals the year before. Duke beat them in the national semis in '91 79-77, earning my eternal ire. Apparently, the brothers really loved '91 Vegas, too.
I mentioned Oprah After the Show one day. Hey, everybody loves Oprah.
These are all the "qualifications" I can think of that have been discussed. As a wise man once said, "We're all black when the lights go out."
Monday, December 12, 2005
The best thing about the World Cup...
...aside from the games themselves is the diary kept by Michael Davies on Page 2 of espn.com. His 2002 version was HI-larious. You can find the complete archive here. The World Cup doesn't start till June 9, 2006, but I heartily recommend checking in now and then to see his latest piece of work.
As an aside, let me mention that soccer is not my favorite sport. Baseball and football are both ahead, nad I could play ping-pong 24 hours straight and not get tired. But I've played way more soccer in my life than all the others put together, so I do have a special place for it. During the last World Cup, I regularly woke up at 2am to watch games aired from the other side of the planet. Can't say I've ever done that for a baseball or football game.
As an aside, let me mention that soccer is not my favorite sport. Baseball and football are both ahead, nad I could play ping-pong 24 hours straight and not get tired. But I've played way more soccer in my life than all the others put together, so I do have a special place for it. During the last World Cup, I regularly woke up at 2am to watch games aired from the other side of the planet. Can't say I've ever done that for a baseball or football game.
I broke my own rule
I broke my own rule the other day when I went to see Chronicles of Narnia. I repeatedly tell everyone that the best time to go to a movie is Saturday morning (followed by Monday night). I went Saturday, but piddled around long enough so that I had to go to the 1:15. This gave more people time to roll in, particularly those with small children. Two of these small humans were Hunter and Daria, sitting behind me. It's certainly not up to me to tell parents what to name their children (though "Scotty" is a nice name), but these folks just went out of their way to try the unique angle. Minutes before it started, the father (who I'm sure is a very nice man, despite dropping the ball with his kids' names) asked Daria what the movie was about. Having never read the book, her entire knowledge consisted of a special she had seen on the Disney Channel. At various points in the movie, Hunter would ask her what was going to happen next. I was secretly hoping the White Witch would find a way to turn them to stone.
As for the movie itself, I thought it was good. A big deal was made about the Christian allegory stuff, and you'll find it if you're looking for it. But it's not like they bash you over the head with it again and again if you're not.
In other news, the not-so-mighty Saints are on Monday Night Football tonight. I have no idea what they did to deserve a spot on MNF, other than play in the same division as Michael Vick. I shudder to watch. Every single time the Saints get the spotlight, they do indeed show America what they're made of by fumbling, stumbling, and bumbling their way to a horrific defeat. Just let us rest comfortably in obscurity, please.
As for the movie itself, I thought it was good. A big deal was made about the Christian allegory stuff, and you'll find it if you're looking for it. But it's not like they bash you over the head with it again and again if you're not.
In other news, the not-so-mighty Saints are on Monday Night Football tonight. I have no idea what they did to deserve a spot on MNF, other than play in the same division as Michael Vick. I shudder to watch. Every single time the Saints get the spotlight, they do indeed show America what they're made of by fumbling, stumbling, and bumbling their way to a horrific defeat. Just let us rest comfortably in obscurity, please.
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