A Voice Crying in the Wilderness

A line in Isaiah referring to John the Baptist. These days it's a line from the media referring to Senator Tom Coburn from Oklahoma. Coburn was last seen (or likely first seen, by most people) on TV doing a crossword puzzle in the John Roberts confirmation hearings.

Well, he can do all the crosswords he wants as long as he keeps doing what he's doing now. He invoked some obscure procedural rule that requires a yes or no vote on each of 19 appropriations earmarks. This means that each Senator who inserted the earmark has to get up and defend it, which will undoubtedly make some of them look stupid. Today Coburn won a small victory by getting a seafood promotion program removed. Kudos for at least trying to hold people accountable for runaway spending.

The Futurama episode "Hell is Other Robots" is on right now, one of my favorites. It's up there with "Amazon Women in the Mood" and "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings". Not surprisingly, the first and third feature the Robot Devil, who's probably my favorite ancillary character on the show. Voiced by Dan Castellaneta, the same guy who does Homer Simpson, he's got style and personality out the wazoo. If we could combine the tenacity and devil-may-care attitude of Coburn and the evil cunning and devil-doesn't-care attitude of Robot Devil, we may actually get things done around here.

Alle Menschen Werden Bruder

A line from Beethoven's Ninth Symphony version of Schiller's An die Freude, known in English as the Ode to Joy. "All men become brothers." But it's the Ode to Joy part that's important. That's what I felt when I logged on to espn.com today and saw that TMQ was back on Page 2. This means that espn is once again home to both the best online baseball column (Jayson Stark's Useless Info) and the best online football column (Tuesday Morning Quarterback, by Gregg Easterbrook. TMQ opens up strong, with over 8,200 words in today's column.

Plus, there was a Rob Neyer baseball chat to be had, and the firejoemorgan blog picked apart a chat with the Hall of Famer. I great online sports day. I really like Rob Neyer because he's smart and unemotional in his analysis, but can be witty and/or spiky when he wants to. I don't know if "spiky" is a correct word to use here, but I like it anyway. Consider this Q&A from 4/18 between Rob and emailer Chris:
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Chris (Oxford, UK): You wrote in your column that there's no way that Wily Mo's offense can ever make up for his shoddy defense. For years now, the Red Sox have put up with Manny Ramirez's glove in left - if Wily Mo develops into a serious offensive threat (and he's still young), could the same not be true of him?

Rob Neyer: One: Pena's a lot, lot worse than Ramirez. Two: It's a lot easier to play left field in Fenway than center or right. Three: You don't mind one butcher so much, but two is too many. And no (answering a question somebody e-mailed yesterday), we should not expect Pena to get any better. He was terrible with the Reds, he's terrible now, and he'll probably always be terrible.
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Rob was even kind enough to give some ideas on how my beloved Cubs could go about trying to replace Derrek Lee in the lineup after the 6 foot, 7 inch 1B got his wrist broken by a player nine inches shorter and fifty pounds lighter than he is, Rafael Furcal. I shoudl also add that I've twice emailed him through his website, and he's answered each time. Very high on Rob Neyer.

This fact should tell you how great the reunion weekend was for me: I had a blast and didn't talk sports for any significant period of time whatsover. That don't happen too often, boys and girls.

Ah, so THAT'S who I am!

Has it really been since the 9th that I've written? Mea culpa.

As you of course know, I am a proud graduate of the Louisiana Scholars' College at Northwestern State University, located in my hometown of Natchitoches, LA. I've been back to visit several times since graduation, but none in probably the last two or three years. So it was with great anticipation that I looked forward to the Scholars' College alumni reunion that was held over the weekend. For probably over a year we'd been working on putting it together. And when I say 'we' I mean for the most part 'people other than me'. I'm not a real organization type person, and I don't like working with others. So how I ended up on the reunion committee is a bit of a mystery. The grunt work was done by other members of the committee and a woman named Janay Matt, the Assistant Director for Alumni Affairs. They rock.

However, I will admit to making one simple yet somewhat important contribution: I picked the date. Yeah, yeah, we all voted on it, but my suggesting was the one we picked. I figured March was too close to spring break commitments, and May was too close to finals. Early April is when everyone is worried about their taxes. So I looked at the average weather in Natchitoches for April 22-23, and it looked okay. Little did I know that the good Lord would bless us with an absolutely gorgeous weekend. It could not have been more pleasant. Yay, me.

I got into town Friday afternoon, and we had a happy hour at the Landing that evening. Let me make it clear that I would have been content with a couple dozen alumni showing up to chat a little. So I was really happy when I did a head count and got over sixty, and it was probably closer to seventy for the whole evening. Afterwards I went with some friends to a B&B they were staying at, which happens to be owned by my cousin and his wife.

Saturday morning was a tour of campus and downtown Natchitoches. When people heard I was going, they asked, "Why the hell are you going?" Mostly so they would ask the question, to be honest. I thought it was funny. And I like hearing people talk about the town and campus, so it was a win all around for me. We went to a new living community for students, and walked into a really nice lounge area. All the older alums first words: "Oh this is just wrong!" We also went by Morrison Hall, the current home of Scholars' classes that has been recently remodeled. It looks good. In the thesis room, you can see my awful piece of garbage, "One could cry if it were not such a farce": Adolf Hitler as a Military Commander (allow me to interrupt right now and say that Neifi Perez is the most useless hitter the Cubs have ever had. Period. He doesn't hit for power. He doesn't get on base. He doesn't steal bases. He's a human out machine, and Dusty Baker loves him. JHTDC. I can't write that out on this site, but man).

After the tour was the picnic, held under purple tents and a beautiful blue sky. Burgers, hot doges, chips, brownies, cokes. Saw some students and profs. Got a lot of sun. I'd say maybe close to 100 people there, but I could be wrong. That night was a dinner/dance at the Student Union ballroom. Spaghetti, rolls, cookies, cheese, and maybe a drink or two. I sat with a couple of Natchitoches folks (Jennifer Walsh, Andrea Elmore & husband), Dr. Cochran, and Robin and Rick Morgan, who started with me in 95. Worked my way around the room meeting and greeting. Home by midnight.

So the psychiatrist in you may be asking, "Okay, that's what you did. But how does this make you feel?" And for once I'll say "You know, that's not a bad question." It made me feel great. Fantastic. Wonderful. I was so happy. Friday night I thought that it was so great that this many people thought Natchitoches was worth coming back to. And I saw people from classes before and after me that I'd been friends with. They told me I looked exactly the same. We talked about life, the universe, and everything. Told stories about great things we'd been through at LSC. One guy said that he wanted to talk to the person who went up to a group of students reading the Bible and said, "Hey, I read that. It's pretty good. The guy dies, but he comes back in the end." Ahem. C'est moi. I'm sure I stole it from someone else, but still.

I went to class with these people, and in some cases worked with them. I argued with them a thousand times on scores of subjects, ranging from war to love to religion to feminism to poverty to pretty much INSERT SUBJECT HERE. And I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I didn't win a lot and hold my own the rest of the time. And it was being around these people again that made me think the words in this entry's title. "Ah, so THAT'S who I am!"

Now and then I'll tell people in the DC area, "I wish you could have known me back when I was nice." I know they don't really understand. They think I'm a nice and smart guy now. But they have no idea. I spent my senior year in high school and four years at LSC turning myself into a people person. But here, both through lack of opportunity or lack of effort on my part, I've become much less than what I used to be. For a while at C&A, I was able to hang on to my LSC persona. But not since. I'm a lot meaner and nastier. I curse a lot. Few people at LSC ever saw me be nasty, and none of them ever heard me curse (because I didn't).

So it is quite fitting that it would be my old school that taught me my lesson. I'd been asking myself what I need to be holding on to, and what I needed to let go. Being around my people showed me the answer. Wish me luck.

Excellence

A guy called me the other night wanting to ask me some survey questions. I usually say no to surveys. Telemarketers get to introduce themselves before I put the phone next to the TV and turn up the volume. But surveys is usually a no. But this guy, John Somethingorother, who sounded like he was calling from India, wanted to talk to me about TV. Now that I can do.

I learned that I watch a full program during prime time three nights a week. There were a couple other things, but that was the big thing. I figure it's because of the sports and movies I rent. But that and the fact that the Sopranos is on makes me want to talk TV.

Almost by default, my favorite show is the Simpsons. Sustained exellence (or at least "pretty darn goodness") since 1989 is one of the great feats in TV lore. Sopranos, Deadwood, and Bones are also on the list. And I've said before that nothing makes me laugh like American Idol. But Sopranos does the little things like nobody else. The way of using the mundane to illustrate and offset the mob and crime environment is fantastic. The all-time example is a group of mob wives renting a movie, and the first thing that pops up on the screen is the FBI warning against doing anything illegal. We're constantly being given scenes of everyday life that wouldn't seem funny or outrageous or extraordinary if it weren't a Jersey mob guy saying it. Exchange from tonight's wedding scene:

C: "Allegra (the bride's name). Isn't that a cold medicine?"
P: "It means 'happiness' in Italian."
C: "What the f---'s that got to do with cold medicine?"

It's a masterful show carried out by great people up and down the line. I always sort of chuckled/grumbled whenever West Wing won an Emmy over Sopranos. I never watched WW, so I can't really judge. But the idea that it was better than the HBO mob show seemed ludicrous.

Deadwood deals with a lot of different issues in a completely different environment and manner, but the end result as far as quality is close, and occasionally equal (in my humble opinion). Many Sopranos characters are caricatures with issues. Many Deadwood characters are caricatures whose issues have issues. The craziest person in Jersey is Mary Poppins compared to the sanest in South Dakota. Add the floral and eloquent dialogue laced with ultra-vile profanity (they make cussing smell like sweet perfume), and you've got something special. Not necessarily for everybody, but special.

Don't Care About Fair

When word began spreading that Major League Baseball was going to investigate Barry Bonds for steroid use, a great cry went up across the sports commentary landscape. "That's not fair!" they said. "You can't investigate Barry Bonds without also investigating everybody else. Singling out Bonds is a farce. You're assuming he's guilty before you've gathered any proof. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?"

Do I think MLB should investigate across the board? Yes (and that's what they're doing, by the way). Do I care if they single out Bonds? NO. They could go after him and only him, and that would be fine by me. Barry Bonds hasn't given a damn about being fair himself. I don't see why MLB should treat him any better than he's treated other people or the game of baseball. If Bud Selig had come out and said, "We're investigating Bonds and only Bonds, and we're doing it because he's on the verge of breaking the most important record in all of sports." I'd say "Good for you."

I've also heard some of the argument, "He wasn't cheating. The stuff he was using may have been illegal, but it wasn't against the rules of baseball at the time." Oh really? What if the Cubs kidnap Albert Pujols's wife and tell him to strike out every time if he ever wants to see her again? I don't think the rules of baseball mention kidnapping, but wouldn't we all call that "cheating"? One party would be committing a crime in order to gain competitive advantage over another. Sounds like cheating to me, boys and girls.