Sunday, August 27, 2006

The rest of the landscape

A few days a go I talked a little bit about what I was worried and confident about with LSU this season. It was an abbreviated and not-so-good piece, but it's all I really feel like saying, so you're stuck with it.

Now on to some of the other stories.

Ohio State is ranked #1 to start the season because they have great returning talent on offense. Troy Smith at QB is a Heisman contender. Ted Ginn can score from anywhere on the field. They have a good line with a 1,300 yard rusher returning and a top RB recruit coming in. The big question is the defense, which lost nine starters. The counter to this question is another question, "When has Jim Tressel not had a good defense?" Valid point. If they get past Texas early, they can roll the rest of the way (although a lot of people are picking Iowa to beat them).

Texas is loaded with talent across the board, but they don't have Vince Young anymore. They've got the players to win, but they're probably going to be faced with the question if they can win big games without their heart and soul QB. It's very possible that they'll get tagged with the choker label again.

Notre Dame could be like UCLA was last year, winning barnburner shootouts all year long (though I don't think ND's defense will be that bad). What's really going to get them is the schedule. Georgia Tech, Penn State, Michigan, Michigan State and Purdue are the first five opponents. They could be 5-0. They could be 2-3 or worse. They'll score a bajillion points (technical term), but they have to avoid giving up a bajillion and one.

USC lost two Heisman winners, their leading touchdown rusher, and a few other guys who went pro. And they're still one of the top five teams in America. The conference schedule is favorable, but they need to avoid being snakebitten early in the year. Playing at Arkansas will be easier since Darren McFadden will be out, and Nebraska goes to L.A. But watch out for the Husker defense.

General consensus holds that LSU and Florida have the most talent in the SEC, but that Auburn is the favorite to win the league because of a favorable schedule and the returning backfield of Brandon Cox and Kenny Irons. Cox should be more consistent under center, and Kenny Irons could emerge as a darkhorse Heisman contender. He tore up LSU last season, and that was with three starters on the defensive line.

You know what? West Virginia almost never gets any big-time recruits, and they don't seem to care. The Mountaineers won the Sugar Bowl last year, and their freshman class is full of average-joe type players. They get tough guys who fit their system, and that seems to work for them. Their game of the year will be at Louisville, and we may see 110 points. The Cardinals aren't slouches, with Brohm and Bush in the backfield.

That's all for now. The fun starts Thursday. I heartily recommend ESPN Gameplan.

Snakes on a plane

Last week I went to Ballston to see the 11:45am showing of Snakes on a Plane. I said, "One for Snakes on a Plane.", and immediately thought to myself "I can't believe I just said that."

I walked into an empty theater, which is always a thrill, but also a bit of a nerve-wracker for me. On one hand, I always think it's pretty neat that the rare occasion arises that one can sit in a room made for hundreds and watch a movie on a large screen all by oneself. On the other hand, it's also a little creepy, with the specter of someone else, someone unknown, being in there without me knowing. A few more people showed up.

The general feeling I heard before seeing it was "a good b-movie" and "bad movie, good experience". That's pretty much accurate, though I don't really think of it as a "b-movie" at all. I see it more as a film that pokes fun at itself and acknowledges that the real reason the audience is there is because the movie is called--hello--"Snakes on a Plane". Someone on the imdb boards pointed out that one of the things that make it work is that everybody plays it straight. There are some b-movie type homages, such as:

--The young mother saying, "My baby! Where's my baby?!" The Simpsons have quoted this one once or twice.

--What I think of as "Monster Vision", where we see the world through the eyes of the snakes, a sort of green blurry haze.

--The most unlikable, stuck-up jerk of a character gets killed in a most enjoyable fashion (hardly unique to b-movies, but pretty much required for them).

There were only seven people in the theater when I saw it. I laughed when it was funny, and maybe a couple of times when it wasn't. I flinched whenever the snakes struck, even though I knew it was coming. I can't help feeling that it would be a lot different experience to see it in a theater full of people familiar with the backstory to the picture. Maybe I'll do that for the sequel.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Past vs. Present

Here's a post I made on the LSU board of collegefanatics.com, slightly modified.

Last year the three things that concerned me most were:

QB: Because I wasn't buying into the idea that JR "got it" just yet. All he did was go 10-2, but the defense carried the offense for much of the year. Not worried about it this year because of JR's performance in tough games and Flynn looking good against Miami. Not saying I'm expecting 35 TDs and 3,500 yards, but things look good. (I'm also expecting better QB numbers because of Bowe's eye surgery. For some reason, I have dreams that say, "LASIK = TDs)

RB: I thought Alley's injury was a bigger blow than a lot of people I read. I figured it would lead to Addai wearing down by midseason from overuse, especially if Justin Vincent hadn't returned to freshman form. I cringed every time somebody in the preseason said "We'll be fine." I'll give myself a reluctant pat on the back for this one. It didn't help that the offensive line rarely played up to the level of its talent. Not worried this year because of the freshmen. I'm completely fine with freshmen at RB, since it worked well enough in 2003. Charles Scott will be good if Keiland Williams won't. Even if Broussard isn't fully recovered, Vincent never gets back to where he was, and Hester stinks, I like the position.

DB: Just because we lost two starting corners to the NFL. I guess I needn't have worried, since the D ended up something like 3rd against the pass last year. Should be good again this year. LaRon Landry and Jessie Daniels should be a great safety tandem.

This year, here's what concerns me to start out:

DL: Losing three starters to the NFL really hurts, especially in the way of leadership. Replacements are talented but mostly inexperienced. Dorsey needs to be as good or better than Williams or Wroten for this unit to be a strength. I think there will be the potential for a lot of versatility, moving guys like Ricky Jean-Francois and Charles Alexander inside and outside depending on down and distance.

LB: Luke Sanders never stays healthy, and there's not a lot of depth if (when) he goes down again. Highsmith will be good, maybe great. Beckwith needs to prove he can do it as a full-time starter instead of a sub. Plug in freshmen at RB, okay. Plug in freshmen (Cutrera, Perry, Sheppard, Odom) at LB, not okay.

OL: You knew it was coming, right? I read that Dorsey and Co. gave the line fits in scrimmage, and you don't want that to happen against a DL with one returning starter. Ideally, I'd like to see Black, Arnold, Miller, Helms and one of the Johnsons (Herm if he's ready, Brian if he's not. But BJ seems more like a guard to me than a tackle) This is actually less of a worry for me than the others, and you may remember how down I was on the OL last year. I thought they underperformed most of the season. The dropoff won't be as drastic as it could be. I hope.

I'm sure I'll be talking about LSU and college football a lot more rather soon.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Ode to Au Revoir

Unser Schuldbuch sei vernichtet!
ausgesöhnt die ganze Welt!
Brüder- überm Sternenzelt
richtet Gott, wie wir gerichtet.

This was the reaction I had when I read that the Cubs traded Neifi Perez to the Tigers today. Although my thoughts were in English, so it would be:

The account of our misdeeds be destroyed!
Reconciled the entire world!
Brothers, above the starry canopy
God judges as we judged.

These are a few of the lines from from Schiller's "Ode to Joy". There's also a bit about "cannibals drink gentleness", but I can't honestly say I was thinking that bit.

You may remember that I mentioned that I think Neifi Perez is the most useless offensive player the Cubs have ever had. It boggles the mind that even with the postseason out of reach, Dusty Baker still put him in the starting lineup, when he had Todd Walker and a promising rookie in Ryan Theriot as alternatives. I was ecstatic that Jim Hendry finally saw the light and traded him, and dumbstruck that the Tigers actually thought he was worth trading for.

"I think he's an ideal guy to plug in for the Tigers as they try to maintain their success," Cubs general manager Jim Hendry said.

If I could, I'd link to a sound file of Mandark's evil laugh, because that's really the only thing that can verbalize the comic insanity of that statement.

"He's a legitimate everyday player and an outstanding utility player," Tigers general manager Dave Dombrowski said.

He couldn't even play solitaire every day. He should be banned from all competition. The only outstanding thing about him is his near-unmatched ability at making outs.

The headline on ESPN.com says the Tigers traded for "depth". True. Neifi Perez has more depth than a sinkhole, and outs and errors are attracted to him like he's a black hole.

You want a great stat to tell you how bad a batter Neifi Perez is, how little control of the strike zone he has? In 2004 Barry Bonds walked an insane 232 times, by far a major league record. An average player will take three or four seasons, if not more, to get there. But that's more than Neifi Perez has in eleven seasons.

I don't even care who the Cubs got in return. They could have traded him for Hassan Nasrallah, and I'd have stood up and cheered.

Snakes on Jack Benny

Continuing with my current strategy of watching some (but not all) of the AFI top 100 comedies, alternating them with MST3K episodes. I'm not reviewing any MST3K, because there's no point. They're all funny, and not a lot separates one from the other, except maybe This Island Earth, which is great. On to Mr. Benny.

To Be or Not to Be is a comedy made in 1942 and set in 1939 Poland, right before the Germans invade. Jack Benny and his wife, Carole Lombard, are actors in a theater company. Robert Stack is an unbelievable 23 years old, making me say, "Robert Stack used to be 23?" All three of them are good, and so is everybody else. It's a comedy with a serious backdrop (as if you couldn't tell when I mentioned the NAZIS). Everybody plays it straight except for Benny, who plays Jack Benny. In other cases you could call it a drawback, but I think it works very well. He never lets the movie drag you down. He conversely seems to lament his life when things are going well, and revel in the challenges when things get tough.

I laughed a lot more than I thought I would, which is always a pleasant feeling.

Snakes on Peter Sellers

I watched Being There a little while ago, and I thought it was really enjoyable and fun to watch. Sellers plays a simple-minded man who only cares about gardening and watching TV. Events put him in a position to influence a wealthy businessman's last days, the President's economic policy, and the passions of Shirley MacLaine.

Chance the Gardener becomes Chauncey Gardner, and he responds to just about every situation with comments about either gardening or television. Everything he says happens to correspond in some analogical way to the subject at hand (especially gardening and economics). The big thing I'll take away from the movie is how everyone talking to him sort of turns him into a mirror of themselves. They all assume that he's just like them. The black kids on the street believe he works for a rival gang. The dying rich man thinks he's a businessman trying to make a living who's being haggled by lawyers. The Russian ambassador thinks he speaks Russian. The gay guy thinks he's gay. Everyone who speaks to him receives either confirmation of their own world view, or the "enlightenment" that comes from speaking to an oracle. I think the latter also happens whenever someone simultaneously stops listening to their voice and starts listening to the words. Then they realize what it is that they've been thinking and saying, and gain a new perspective. "Chauncey" brings this out in a lot of people.

Peter Sellers was nominated for Best Actor, and Melvyn Douglas won for Best Supporting. Good movie, fun, poignant at times, and worth your time.

One more note: The disco version of "Also Sprach Zarathustra" and the way they worked it into Chance leaving the house for the first time was very clever.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I was chatting with someone at work about Hezbollah/Israel today, after having previously discussed "Pinky and the Brain". It led to the following IM:

Nasrallah: Come, Hezbollah, we must prepare for tomorrow.
Hezbollah: What are we doing tomorrow, Nasrallah?
Nasrallah: The same thing we do every day, Hezbollah--try to destroy Israel!

So I figured that there must be lots of cases where you could insert "Hezbollah" in place of "Pinky". Let's see how it turned out, shall we?

The Brain: This is the earth. And this is Hezbollah. You can tell the difference quite easily. One is a lump of inert matter hurtling blindly through the void. The other... is the earth.

Hezbollah: Egad. You astound me, Brain. The Brain: That's a simple task, Hezbollah.

The Brain: No, Hezbollah. Never use two drops of the formula. It would cause a reaction on the molecular level that is completely unpredictable. Hezbollah: Oh, I hate it when that happens. Narf.

[that one's a little freaky]

The Brain: Hezbollah, there are times when I feel i'm bearing my soul to a tube of caulk. Hezbollah: Yum! Caulk!

The Brain: Hezbollah, you give a whole new meaning to the phrase, "counter-intelligence".

Nasrallah: Hurry up, Hezbollah, If we don't get to Carley Simon's house I'll never know if that song was about me.

[that one doesn't really have anything to do with Nasrallah or Hezbollah, but I thought it was quirky enough to put in.

And those are just the "Pinky and the Brain" possibilities. Holler if you think of others.

#20 on the field, #1 in your hearts

And when I say "your hearts", I mean "my heart".

I have been greatly remiss in not mentioning that ESPN had an article on Abby Wambach a couple of weeks ago. I'm sure I've mentioned that Wambach is #1 on the Scotty Williams Big Board. A telling quote:

"Abby has scored more goals in a shorter time than Mia did," United States coach Greg Ryan said. "If Abby was playing in 1991 to 1996, the number of goals she would have had by now is astronomical. She's done it in a much more difficult environment. The opposition is much better."

Is she Mia's equal right now? I don't think so. But scoring at a faster pace than the world's alltime leader and drawing comparisons to Michelle Akers at the same time is a hell of a start.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Archives

I paid a visit to the National Archives today, since I read they were putting on an "Eyewitness to History" exhibit. Documents and recordings from some of the more memorable events in US history. Three that stood out:

The giant photo of the standoff in the road between John Lewis's student protest group and Georgia police. The police are advancing from the left in gas masks and riot gear, carrying clubs. Lewis and his group are standing on the right, waiting and defiant. They're about to get the crap beat out of them. In the space between the two groups, about 40 or 50 feet away, you can see 15 or 20 white men in overcoats and fedora-type hats, waiting, watching and some taking pictures. It's a really amazing and moving photograph. The bystanders reminded me of some of the photos I've seen of lynchings from the 50's and 60's. You see the lower half of the victim hanging from a tree, and a bunch of high school age kids there just milling around. Boys in slacks and clean shirts, girls in poodle skirts. Like it's the most natural thing in the world to be where they are, doing what they're doing. It's the casualness of the whole thing that gives me chills.

The next thing was the audio recording of the Hindenburg disaster. The raw emotion in Herbert Morrison's voice is indescribable. Here's the text:
---------------------------------------------------

It's practically standing still now. They've dropped ropes out of the nose of the ship, and it has been taken ahold of down on the field by a number of men. It's starting to rain again; the rain had, er, slacked up a little bit. The back motors of the ship are just holding it, er, just enough to keep it from…
It's burst into flames! It's burst into flames and it's falling, it's crashing. … Get out of the way, get out of the way! Get this, Charlie, get this, Charlie! It's burning and it's crashing! It's crashing, terrible! Oh, my! Get out of the way, please! It's burning, bursting into flames and it's falling on the mooring mast, and all the folks between. Oh, this is terrible. This is the, one of the worst catastrophes in the world! Oh, my Jesus! … Oh, four to five hundred feet into the sky. It's a terrific crash, ladies and gentlemen, it's smoke and it's flames, now, and the frame is crashing to the ground, not quite to the mooring mast. Oh, the humanity, and all the passengers screaming around here! I told you, I cannot talk to people ... I can't talk, ladies and gentlemen.

Listen, folks, I'm gonna have to stop for a minute because this was the... the worst thing I've ever witnessed.
---------------------------------------------------

I also went through the Public Vault area, and they had an exhibit on immigrants and their paperwork upon entering the country. Scientists, actors, parents of famous people. I'd never seen Yul Brynner with hair before. The paperwork includes the person's race and nationality. A Chinese guy's race was given as "Oriential", and Einstein's was "Hebrew".

I stood in line to see the Declaration and Constitution again. I asked the guard at the Constitution (because he's supposed to know everything about it), if anybody ever asked why some of the s's look like f's. "Oh yeah, I get that question all the time." I got my hopes up. "It's because they had a different style of writing back at that time." And my hopes were dashed. I was hoping that he's say something about the eszett, which is sort of a double s in German. In cursive it looks like a fancy f. So I'd always figured that it carried over to English since English is a Germanic language. A word like "Congress" would have the eszett in place of the first s. But since the security guard didn't say anything about it, I may be wrong. Tragic.

Superman Returns

Considering that this is a movie about the greatest superhero known to man, I thought it actually flew under the radar during the buildup. And with Pirates opening the following week, I perhaps people forgot about it rather quickly. But I thought it was pretty good.

Brandon Routh is the new Superman, and he looks good. Good-looking, but not strikingly so, same as Christopher Reeve. His Clark Kent is still a bit unsure of himself, but he's not as fidgety as the previous iteration. Kate Bosworth is the new Lois Lane, and dark hair is probably the only thing she has in common with Margot Kidder. I think her Lois is a bit more composed and in control than before, but she's aggressive and feisty like Lois is supposed to be. Kevin Spacey was a good Lex Luthor, but I can't shake the feeling that a dozen other actors could have pulled off the same performance. I could be wrong. He's just as grandstanding, but his humor is more subdued. Gene Hackman had a bit more showmanship to his Luthor.

The only major critique I have would be that I didn't really feel a lot of suspense or danger. He's Superman, for crying out loud. He's going to save the day, and come out pretty much unharmed in the end. Not anybody's fault, but it's just the nature of the adventures of Superman, I guess.

There were some homages to the originals, like Superman telling Lois she shouldn't smoke, or him taking her heavenward for a duo flight.

The special effects are good, but this should be the last time I ever mention such a thing when reviewing a movie, because there's really no excuse for a big-budget movie not to have good special effects these days. I like the way it was shot overall. My favorite visual shot was Superman holding the globe that sits atop the Daily Planet over his head, like Atlas holding the heavens and earth upon his shoulders. Symbolically bearing the weight of the world, as it's "first and greatest super-hero", as the IMDB plot outline says.