Ode to Au Revoir

Unser Schuldbuch sei vernichtet!
ausgesöhnt die ganze Welt!
Brüder- überm Sternenzelt
richtet Gott, wie wir gerichtet.

This was the reaction I had when I read that the Cubs traded Neifi Perez to the Tigers today. Although my thoughts were in English, so it would be:

The account of our misdeeds be destroyed!
Reconciled the entire world!
Brothers, above the starry canopy
God judges as we judged.

These are a few of the lines from from Schiller's "Ode to Joy". There's also a bit about "cannibals drink gentleness", but I can't honestly say I was thinking that bit.

You may remember that I mentioned that I think Neifi Perez is the most useless offensive player the Cubs have ever had. It boggles the mind that even with the postseason out of reach, Dusty Baker still put him in the starting lineup, when he had Todd Walker and a promising rookie in Ryan Theriot as alternatives. I was ecstatic that Jim Hendry finally saw the light and traded him, and dumbstruck that the Tigers actually thought he was worth trading for.

"I think he's an ideal guy to plug in for the Tigers as they try to maintain their success," Cubs general manager Jim Hendry said.

If I could, I'd link to a sound file of Mandark's evil laugh, because that's really the only thing that can verbalize the comic insanity of that statement.

"He's a legitimate everyday player and an outstanding utility player," Tigers general manager Dave Dombrowski said.

He couldn't even play solitaire every day. He should be banned from all competition. The only outstanding thing about him is his near-unmatched ability at making outs.

The headline on ESPN.com says the Tigers traded for "depth". True. Neifi Perez has more depth than a sinkhole, and outs and errors are attracted to him like he's a black hole.

You want a great stat to tell you how bad a batter Neifi Perez is, how little control of the strike zone he has? In 2004 Barry Bonds walked an insane 232 times, by far a major league record. An average player will take three or four seasons, if not more, to get there. But that's more than Neifi Perez has in eleven seasons.

I don't even care who the Cubs got in return. They could have traded him for Hassan Nasrallah, and I'd have stood up and cheered.