Idol Television

I'm sure I've mentioned before that nothing makes me laugh the way American Idol does. It's an extremely well-constructed show that somehow got more popular in its fifth year. It's multifaceted, with the comedy of bad singers to start out with, the emotional drama (which I don't watch) of Hollywood tryouts and interpersonal conflict as contestants must team up and work together, and the tension and "what will happen next?" element of the voting and elimination rounds. You can jump on and off as you wish and not miss anything vital.

So it was with great glee that I watched the 2-hour results show last night. I tried to vote for Taylor Tuesday night but the lines were busy. Based on his performance, just about everybody figured him to win, so I wasn't too upset. The only question was what they would do to lead up to what seemed to be a foregone conclusion. Well, they came up with what I think was the best episode of the year. You can read Lisa de Moraes's column about it here.

Start off with Taylor and the McPheever singing with Carrie Underwood. Good. Katherine singing with Meatloaf: not the greatest combo, but bizarre enough to capture one's attention. The American Idol Awards were a great idea, but I wish the loony they gave Best Male Vocal to had been hit by a bus before he made it to the Kodak Theater.

Elliott's mom winning Best Family Moment was nice, and it was too bad that Elliott had to get big-timed by Mary J. Blige during their duet. She tried to sing right over him at every turn, instead of singing with him. And at the end, the belted out a note and stalked off the stage, leaving him in her dust. Real classy there, Bligey. (though I will admit she's probably good to see in concert)

Solo by Underwood, though my cousin said she'd have preferred a different song.

The ladies' sextet performance was nice, and it was especially pleasing to see Mandisa on stage again. I hope she does well. Girl can sing and perform as well as anybody in the competition, maybe better. And I'm pretty sure you must have been born without a soul if you don't like her.

Puck N Pickler was hilarious. Kellie Pickler just makes me so happy. If she's playing dumb, then she deserves more Oscar nominations than Meryl Streep. If she really is that dumb, then she deserves a dozen guardian angels to watch over her. Spitting escargot into her napkin and running away from live lobsters is great comedy. Wolfgang Puck made for a great straight man, too.

The Randy Jackson Award for Public Speaking went to foul-mouthed trashbag Rhonetta Johnson. This could prompt a lot of people to say they're being too mean. These people can't defend themselves against the titan that is AI. So why should they pick on them? Answer: for our entertainment, of course. And Rhonetta was a thoroughly unlikable character, so we sort of feel like she had it coming. The "Rhonetta" they panned to to receive her award may not have been the real one, as far as I can tell. I could be wrong.

I can't describe the Toni Braxton/Taylor Hicks any better than de Moraes, so I won't try:

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"Braxton is singing -- such as it is -- phonetically and therefore doesn't realize that this is a song about a little child who needs a helping hand because he's living in the ghetto. Instead, she mistakes it for a song about a ho and her pimp, as played by Braxton and Taylor, on whom she tries to perform a standing lap dance, winning her the Golden Idol Award for Most Inappropriate Performance During an "Idol" Finale."

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"In the Ghetto" is a fantastic and moving song, and I don't think Braxton is up to it. Great legs, pretty girl. But spiritual she ain't, at least not when she's singing. I couldn't understand her anyway.

The highlight of the night for me was the American Idol Award for Best Impersonation. It went to the guy who auditioned dressed and styled as Clay Aiken. He stunk, and he said he was nervous and had to pee. So they told him to go to the bathroom and come back. He still stunk. So it was quite surprising when Seacrest asked him if he would sing for them. He starts in on "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me", when the stage opens up behind him, and Clay Aiken, the Dorky White Boy himself, walks out. He sneaks up on the guy and starts to sing, rendering the impostor speechless and looking like he was about to cry and wet his pants. As Clay keeps on singing--well, of course--Seacrest asks the kid if he's okay. I think he was in love, to be honest. That's good television, boys and girls.

So there you go. Congratulations to Soul Patrol for winning. Congratulations to the McPheever for making the finals and discovering that people like gazing upon huge tracts of land. And congratulations to Fox for taking the freight train that is American Idol and keeping it running at full speed. Well done all around.

That's the point, Congresswoman

"Eliminating an earmark for $500,000 to fund a program to combat drug-use locally only means that $500,000 will be funded and some bureaucrat in a federal agency will use it as he decides, rather than as the elected representative decides."

A couple of weeks ago, Kay Granger sent out a press release defending her overseas travel to Malta, Greece, Kosovo, and wherever the IAEA is located. Some of it made sense. But she couldn't escape the fact that half the trips still seemed completely unnecessary, or the recently reported theory that the soldiers abroad don't really give a rat's fat fart when MoCs come to visit. I'm waiting for her to start talking about gas prices and totally ignore the fact that all the fuel she spent globetrotting was a big waste.

The beginning quote is from a recent press release about the earmarking process. And yes, she's okay making points about what earmarks are and where they come from. However, it would be nice if she could explain why that 500 grand isn't taken out of the overall budget. And referring to the person in the federal agency as "some bureaucrat" is rather insulting. Why couldn't the bureaucrat turn it around and say "It's better for someone who actually works with these issues on a daily basis for a living to make the decision how the money gets spent than some fat-cat Congresswoman who has to please a horde of special interests and fickle voters every two years."

The argument "Well, if we don't earmark it, someone else will just spend it anyway" isn't the strongest one to take a stand with.

American Graffiti

A long time ago, in a screenplay far, far away, George Lucas made a movie that wasn't called "Star Wars". And yet, it was still good enough to make the AFI list at #77. American Graffiti comes to us from 1973, the same year that brought us The Sting, The Exorcist, and another movie currently in my Netflix queue, Day of the Jackal.

Actors you'll know: Richard Dreyfuss, Ron Howard, Harrison Ford, Cindy Williams (assuming you ever saw "Laverne and Shirley")

Actors you may recognize but not know: Charles Martin Smith, Bo Hopkins, Wolfman Jack (actually, it's sort of the other way around with Wolfman). My favorite listing in the credits is for Johnny Weissmuller, Jr. His father was an Olympic swimmer and went on to star as Tarzan in a dozen movies and Jungle Jim in 15 more.

For about the first 30 minutes, I couldn't figure out what the fuss was about. Not really the kind of movie I enjoy, the teen coming-of-age drama type thing. Then it started to grow on me. The scenes are well-constructed. It manages to get funnier and more meaningful as it goes along. I mostly enjoyed the misadventures of Terry "The Toad" and the girl he said looks like Connie Stevens. Milner having to hang around with the bratty Carol was good, too.

I'd give it a recommendation, but mostly to see the main characters interacting with the lesser ones. The main storylines don't really do it for me.

Up next: Laugh In, and I can't tell you how excited I am.

Platoon

Platoon comes in at #83 on the AFI list. Made in 1986, the same year that gave us Children of a Lesser God, Aliens, and The Color of Money.

Actors you'll recognize: Tom Berenger, Willem Defoe, Charlie Sheen, Forest Whitaker, Kevin Dillon, Johnny Depp.

Actors you may recognize but not know: Keith David, Oliver Stone (cameo).

It's very well-acted, well-written, and well-made through and through. It's also really depressing. I don't see myself tuning in again anytime soon. Charlie Sheen is good, though it's tough to watch him now 20 years later and not think about the celebrity instead of the actor. Berenger and Defoe are pretty good, and it makes me wonder what else he's done really well in that I'm missing. "Entourage" fans will be happy to see Kevin Dillon, who plays a thoroughly unlikable Bunny in the movie. Now he's playing a slacker brother on HBO.

I'd recommend it if you're into Vietnam movies or if you're an Oliver Stone or anti-war fan. Other than that, you just have to like to be depressed.

Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!

According to the Patron Saints Index, there is no Saint Reggie. There's a Regina, and a few from Reggio, but no Reggie. So it might be a bit of a stretch to expect Reggie Bush to be the Savior of New Orleans, much less the savior of the Saints. But that hasn't stopped Saints fans from gushing about our new running back. When the Texans selected Mario Williams at #1, it opened the door for a lousy team to get an electrifying player on the field, and an energizing figure off it. Jersey sales are going fast, even though they don't know what number he'll wear. Season ticket sales are doing well, and Bush is getting a standing ovation wherever he goes.



I would have understood if the Saints had traded down for more picks. A 3-13 team has lots of holes, and probably needs more than one guy to turn things around. So going for more picks would have been understandable. But it wouldn't have been exciting. It makes me want to watch every game. I'd even like to go to the first home game on Monday night in Week 3. The Saints offense next year could feature some pretty talented skill players, and let's hope that they've got some guys who can block and/or tackle.