I've been trying to figure out which Twilight Zone episode most resembles the New Orleans Saints season so far. It's got to be one of the ones where the protagonist goes to sleep or blacks out, then wakes up in a world that doesn't make any sense. The guys in the fleur de lis helmets aren't doing the things Saints fans are used to. I've never seen such a bewildered look as I saw on the face of someone who has cheered for the Saints their entire existence, and now can't fit that in with what she knows as reality: that the Saints never, ever play this well. The big stat of the moment: through five games, the Saints have not trailed. At all. Even for one second. It helps that they've had the ball first in all five games and scored on all five first possessions (4 TD, 1 FG).
Best stat against the Giants: seven touchdowns scored by seven different players.
No game has been closer than 14 points at the end. Margins of victory: 18, 26, 20, 14, 21. They've won three games cranking out points faster than their opponents could keep up, scoring 45, 48, and 48 against Detroit, Philly, and New York (Giants edition). They've won the other two with aggressive defense that never allowed the other team to get going, allowing 7 and 10 points to Buffalo and New York (Jets edition). I'd like to see them do better running the ball on short yardage plays, but that's really the only thing I can pick at right now.
I've heard some people say that they want to see how the Saints offense does in "weather", which usually means cold/rain/snow/wind. That's a valid point, since they could be playing on the road in the playoffs in New York, Philadelphia, Chicago, or some place like that. In the regular season, it's not a factor. The northernmost road game left on the schedule is at Washington on December 6. It'll be cold, but it won't exactly be Minnesota-ish that early in the winter. At Carolina in January could be snowy, but Carolina stinks (STINKS). Of the Saints eleven remaining games, seven are in domes and two are in Florida. I just don't think weather is a major factor for them right now.
After reflecting on it, let's go with the only Twilight Zone episode set in New Orleans, "The Masks" from 1964. A crotchety old man about to die makes his wretched family members wear masks that reveal their true personalities. As the season goes on, we'll see if the Saints wearing the mask of a contender, or if they really are one.
Scene from "The Masks"Businesses that sponsor the Saints are known as "Patron Saints", which is clever. However, I wonder if those businesses know how a lot of actual patron saints obtained their patronage. The Church has a morbid streak when it comes to making such decisions.
Looking for the patron saint of butchers? One of the eight is Adrian of Nicomedia. Adrian was hacked to pieces in 304. (I was sort of hoping he'd be named Lazar Wolf)
Feeling culinary tonight? Lawrence of Rome is the man when it comes to cooks. Of course, he was cooked to death on a gridiron in 258.
Got a headache? Pray to Saint Denis, if you can ignore the fact that he was beheaded by the Romans. Statues of him often show him holding his head in his hands. The founder of Natchitoches was named Louis Juchereau de St. Denis, so St Denis is one of my favorites.
The patron of stonemasons is Saint Reinhold, who--you guessed it--was beaten to death with hammers by stonemasons.
If you ask me, the king of all these gruesomely murdered patrons is Saint Sebastian. First, he survived being shot full of arrows by the Romans. Later on, they stopped fooling around and just beat him to death. In the Dark Ages, plague victims likened the random nature of infection to being shot by nature's archers, so they prayed to Sebastian. So now Sebastian--usually depicted tied to a tree with arrows sticking out of him--is the patron saint of archers, arrowsmiths, fletchers, and plague victims (and hardware stores, for some reason).
If possible, I'd like to be the patron saint of either dying peacefully in bed, or performing heroic deeds while saving the life of a complete stranger. I'm good with either one.
No comments:
Post a Comment