December 2009

I have seen a few articles/cartoons/blurbs about how lousy 2009 was and how people can't wait for 2010. I hope those people have a good year, but I have to say that 2009 was pretty good to me. I had two good semesters in school and a great summer internship in New Orleans in between. I've been out west to Seattle and Las Vegas and danced the night away a few times in Natchitoches. I have few complaints.

After the fall semester ended, I went off to Las Vegas for a few days. I'd never been before, and had no expectations as to what would happen. I knew that I wanted to wander in and out of casinos and hotels, do some people watching and not lose too much at gambling. I was also intrigued at the possibility of being able to bet on horse races all over the country. In no particular order, here are some observations:

Even non-posh Vegas hotel/casino combos are really nice compared to, say, a Holiday Inn Express.
Flying in at night is pretty cool if the city is on your side of the plane like it was for me.
Allegiant Air tries to compensate for low fares by selling you everything under the sun once you're on board: food, drinks, Blue Man Group tickets, shuttle passes, etc.
Betting on horses consists of long stretches of thinking and planning followed by short spurts of "Aaargh, you bastards!"
There are no stars in Las Vegas, at least when you're looking into the sky over Las Vegas Boulevard.
I can walk a city, but only if it wants to be walked. I think they set the city up to be cabbed instead.
Whatever money the buffet loses on people like me who pile masses of food on their plates, they make back on Chinese girls. There's no way on earth those girls are eating $26.00 worth of food.
A 5-cent machine with a 20 credit minimum bet is a dollar machine.
On the way to my flight home, a 19 or 20-ish pretty girl was telling her father, "...and I was hanging upside down on the pole..."
The shuttle driver told me quite a dirty joke comparing a woman to a tornado.
Sharper than a serpent's tooth, is to meet the most gorgeous waitress you've ever seen on the same day the Saints lose their first game, which leads me to:

My one weakness. Okay, my one weakness, as Homer said, is that I'm weak, but the biggest manifestation of this is my undying appreciation of a good waitress. I mentioned to one of you that one day I will commit an act so heinous that my name will be subjected to spite and slander for all eternity. When asked why I would do such a thing, my story will begin, "Well, there was this waitress..." At no time has this ever been so evident in a non-TWGW situation than the cocktail waitress at the Wynn, who was a vision of divine perfection upon whose face I am unworthy to gaze. I've been in a lot of bars and restaurants, and been waited on by a lot of waitresses. I have never seen one this pretty. Period. Ships are launched and wars are fought over girls like her. I could go on and on, but there's no point. Talk to me one day and my voice and face will tell you everything you need to know.

In non-Vegas news, I was flipping through the channels and stopped on some senators giving a press conference about the vote that passed that now permits them to do something about the health care bill. I believe "talk about it some more" is the newly available action. In the space of two or three minutes they referenced the following figures while praising themselves for such a grand accomplishment: George Washington, Ted Kennedy, Job, Solomon, and Samson. If you ever needed confirmation that some in Congress have an inflated sense of self-worth and seriously need to get over themselves, this is it.