The Bridge to Nowhere

A couple of weeks ago, much attention was being paid to the so-called "Bridge to Nowhere", after Congress was on pace to appropriate 223 million dollars to build a bridge connecting Ketchikan, Alaska (pop. 8,000) to the island of Gravina (pop. 50). Nearly as long as the Golden Gate, and taller than the Brooklyn Bridge, they said. After facing even more ridicule over this pork project than usual, Congress amended the arrangement. Alaska still gets the money, but the project is no longer required. Thad Cochran from Mississippi is the current chairman of the Senate Appropriations committee, and I was a bit surprised he didn't say, "Uh, excuse me? Gulfport, Pascagoula, Mobile? You may not have heard, but they got blasted by a hurricane a few weeks ago. They could use a buck or two, thank you very much." It was a rough session for Ted Stevens, seeing as how he also lost out on drilling in ANWR.

Now let us turn our attention to this story, in which we read that thanks to high oil prices, the state of Alaska has a budget surplus of almost $1.25 billion (with a 'b', boys and girls). "And I assure you, we're not about to waste it," according to Governor Frank Murkowski. You mean "waste" as in a phoney-baloney bridge? If Senator Stevens and Congressman Young want their bridge so badly, then they've got the money to do it with right in their own backyard. Of course, states are much less eager to spend their own money than Uncle Sam's (which is reminds me of children who get an allowance, but still manage to manipulate their parents into buying everything for them). In this case, Congress is more than willing to play gullible parent. Which brings us to:

The Arctic Winter Games, which are being held in the Kenai Peninsula Borough in Alaska this year. Organizers were finding themselves a few hundred grand short until Stevens threw half a million into the defense approps bill. (The state's check for the billion plus must not have cleared yet) Just because this stuff happens often, I still can't resist saying, "The defense appropriations bill? Giving money towards organizing an arctic sporting contest? And they really get away with this stuff? Holy moley." And I quote:

"Since 9/11, the world is a different place," said games general manager Tim Dillon. "There are a variety of different areas you have to be concerned about."
Dillon said he couldn't reveal much of what the half-million dollars would be used for, citing security concerns. "I really can't go into a lot of details at this point," he said Thursday after addressing a state-federal law enforcement group called the Joint Task Force on Anti-terrorism at the FBI's Anchorage headquarters.

Number 1: Yes, the world is a different place, but I feel rather certain saying that one thing that hasn't changed is that terrorists are still don't have the Kenai Peninsula as one of their primary targets in order to break the will of the American people.

Number 2: "I really can't got into a lot of details" means "strippers. Lots and lots of strippers. And don't forget the booze."

Number 3: The FBI has a headquarters in Anchorage? Who knew?

It would be disingenuous of me to rant against pork projects and lobbying in general, even in light of recent corruption scandals. Citizens (and businesses) have a right to petition their government and ask for money. Legislators have a right to look after the people in their states. And voters have the right to kick out any legislator who votes for these projects (however, I was recently told that if you were an incumbent Member of the House of Representatives, you had a greater chance of dying in office than being defeated in a Congressional election. If that's true, then YOWZA!). My perspective is also colored by the fact that I loved working for a lobbying company, especially the lobbyists themselves. It came as a shock, believe me.

Anyway, the storal of my morey is that Alaska's got enough dough to pay for it's own stuff for a while, but the government (here I commit the cardinal sin of using the term "government" as if it is a monolithic entity of unified thought and perception) will never tell them to suck it up and do so. I wonder if it's too late for me to enter the toboggan competition.