Implants, Vasectomies, and Hair Extensions

Now that we've got that out of the way, here's the rest of my Christmas vacation:

Friday

I can never sleep when I fly out early the next morning, so i used the night to watch The Agony and the Ecstasy, with Charlton Heston as Michaelangelo and Rex Harrison as Pope Julius II. It's funny to imagine the guy who played Professor Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady taking a turn as the Vicar of Christ. Art history buffs will enjoy the 15 minutes or so they give to a review of the artist's works, and you can skip it if you're not interested. But it's a good movie, with a great memorable line: "I will paint Man as God made him! In the glory of his nakedness!"

I'm going to make a lot of money one day selling deodorized Depends. The 80 year old man next to me on the plane could have used some. Every few minutes it smelled like his incontinence got the better of him. It's a good thing I slept most of the way to DFW.

Dinner that night was with a family friend at a restaurant in Campti. When we picked her up at the home, another woman asked her where she was going. "None of your damn business!" Love Ms. Jeri. She'll be 95 in January.

If you've never been to Sea & Sirloin on a Friday night, I recommend going just for the experience. Lots and lots of camouflage. Caps worn at the table. Big hair. Bad hair. The reddest of rednecks. At one point my sister says, "Look over past the salad bar." A big country boy was about to sit down. I knew what was coming, but never imagined the extent of the horror. I expected a bit of plumber's crack showing, but I never expected four full inches of where the Lord split him. My sisters and I recoiled in horror while the rest of the table wondered what was going on. We explained, but I decided a more visual demonstration was in order. I picked up the baked potatoes from my plate and Ms. Jeri's, put them together and said, "This is what you missed." I thought everybody was going to die.

But lo, my day was not over. For I had scheduled a haircut later on that evening. Or morning, depending on how you define MIDNIGHT. The barber was staying open late due to his partner's illness, and I was put down for 12am. Never done that before, so I was all for it. You would figure that he would be in a hurry, but he took his time and was very meticulous about it all. Thus ended the Friday.